For Better or Worse

thank you

2008-08-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

Two years ago you held together me as I fell apart. You were my port in the storm and you kept me going when I thought the world was coming to an end. You stood by my side and allowed me to move through things in my own way and in my own time, even if I was not moving, but stagnating. You did this all even before we were married, when most men would have c rumbled under the pressure or gone running for the hills. You were already becoming my family, but in that one moment, that horrific, sad moment, you stepped forward and picked up a ball that had fallen.

Today you are my family. You are my best friend and you are my partner in everything. I cannot imagine having had to go through this time, now or two years ago, without you or with anyone else. I am in awe and amazement at how much we have endured as a result of your patience, kindness and understanding.

You can hang the moon. You can hold my hand. You can do anything at all... and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Torn

2008-06-09T15:09:00.000-07:00

I am so torn. I cannot help but feel a physical pain as if I am being literally pulled apart.

Watching TV over the weekend, we saw an eHarmony ad. For those of you who do not know, that is where we met. It always makes me smile when I see the ads. Anyway, we saw the ad and it segued into a conversation between us that pretty much concluded that neither of us can imagine our lives without the other. It is difficult, in fact, to remember how I functioned at the level I did without Ken (at one point with 3 jobs and a single person homeowner). He truely is my partner in crime and anything else. I could not have a better teammate and can not fathom the last three + years without him. I am, you could say, blissfully happy -- even with the things that get on eachother's nerves. No marriage is perfect, and of that I am aware. But we are perfectly happy together.

So where am I torn? Here is where I am torn -- I am lost. I have no idea who I am at this point and feel very much like I am lost in a sea of nothingness. (Yes, I am working on that list Jennifer) Ken is getting clearer and clearer on who he is, what he believes in, what he wants and where he wants to go forward. I, on the other hand, am not so clear. Therefore, I find myself just kind of going with Ken -- following his dreams and his plans as it were.

Ken is not forcing this, nor am I blaming him. I am just realizing that the autonomy that I have had for so long, the indepenence that I treasured and the gutsyness that I always personified seems to have evaporated. It has gotten so bad that even when I drive, I ask Ken how best to get from point A to point B -- even though I have lived here longer than him and I know my way around perfectly well. I look to him for what to cook, what to wear, what to purchase... you name it, I look to him for guidance. I HATE THIS!

It is not who I am nor is it who I want to be. But I think I am in a bad cycle and trying to find my way out of it before I become a shell of the person I used to be, the person that Ken fell in love with.

Part of me thinks that this is because I was alone for so long, that I am relishing having someone else to lean on. Part of me thinks that this is because of everything I have been through in the past 2 years; more decision making is not on my high list of desireable tasks. I just do not know.

I just so clearly remember not being able to understand how someone could WANT to be a housewife. Not a stay at home mom, but a housewife. I am still not sure how anywone wants to do it, but it is what I am doing. I am good at it for the most part, and I am kinda enjoying it; but the independent, strong, accomplished Amy is disgusted with what I am becoming.

See, physically painful!

Today

2008-05-15T07:58:00.000-07:00

It is 7:41 AM -- I have been up for more than 2 hours and I am tired... But I sent Ken off to work with a great breakfast in his tummy and a wonderful, and nutritious day's worth of food in his lunch sack ( and maybe a love note or two). The point of this is not what a great wife I am or am not, nor is it me playing martyr. I do it because I want to. The point of this post is simple... I love my husband. I loved him yesterday, I love him today and I will love him tomorrow... That is all, and that is my point. I love Ken.

I am done with my mushy ramble. I love you Honey.

OUR new jobs

2008-04-07T07:20:00.000-07:00

As some people know, Ken got a new job that started bright and early this morning. Not as early as it is going to be going forward, but early enough for a first day. On this momentous occasion, though it is his, I feel like we are both starting new jobs. He gets to get up and go to work, while I start my new role as a true housewife. Don't let me start on the ins and outs of housewife/homemaker/blah blah blah... just realize that if he is going to go to work, and I am not (for the time being), then the least I feel I can do is get up with him, make breakfast and pack yummy lunches.

Since I appear to be at a crossroads in my own life, separate from one in our life together, it is kind of odd to be taking on this role: Making sure clothes are clean and ironed so he can get dressed without fuss in the morning, making sure there is good food to eat for breakfast and pack for lunches, and heaven forbid -- making sure that there are healthy and yummy dinners to eat at the end of the day and a relatively clean house to come home to. In the midst of this, I am going to try to figure out what I want to do with my life and what I want to be when I grow up.

Ken has worked out of the house for the last 3 years, so this seeing him get up and leave in the morning, knowing he won't be home much before 6 at night, is going to take some getting used to. Though I will admit in a sidebar that he looked very handsome this morning.

Anyway, I think that this morning is the start of a new chapter in our lives, and one that I hope will be as positive as the rest have been and that we will both become even better partners to one another as we move into this new phase. Wish us luck!

Happy Anniversary!

2008-04-02T16:47:00.001-07:00

Today marks the three-year anniversary of our first date. I can't believe how much you have impacted my life and can't remember my life before you. I love you very much and can't wait to see what the rest of our lives together have in store for us!

Oh Happy Day

2008-03-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

March 22, 2008

Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday my sweetest, lovingest, wonderfulest, fabulousest, amazingest and bestest hus-band...
Happy Birthday to you!

I could not be happier than I am to celebrate the day you were brought into this world. So many times, I think you were made just for me. And while that may be incredibly selfish in thinking, I still like it. You are a gift to me on a daily basis and I hope your birthday is the start of a new year full of so many wonderful things! May you have peace, contentment, love and joy beyond your wildest dreams.

I love you so much!

XOXO
Your Wife

Logic or Princess

2008-02-10T18:26:00.000-08:00

First of all, Oh! My! God! Was today spectacular or what? The sky was clear, the temperature was moderate and the sun was out. It was so lovely; in fact, that Ken and I decided to take our first walk of what we are hoping is the Spring! We tooled on down to the AT&T store so Ken could look at new phones. A new phone is his VD gift -- he is eligible for an upgrade and I am covering the cost of any such upgrade he chooses.

This brings me to the real purpose behind my post tonight. Do you ever have a time when you are so deeply conflicted inside that you just do not see an answer? Well, I am in such a place, and here is my befuddlement:

We are trying to watch our money right now -- for various reasons, but mostly because we simply need to. With that being the case, I am getting Ken a pretty reasonable gift. It is something I KNOW he wants, I KNOW he will use, and frankly, the money would be spent regardless. This way I get to kill 2 birds with one stone.

On the other hand, Ken is trying to figure out what to do for me. While the logical side of me says, it is just another day, and all I really need is a card and a kiss, the princess side of me wants Ken to go all out, as I know he likes to do. I am fortunate, you see -- Ken loves to spoil me. And well, I have gotten kind of accustomed to it.

What to do, what to do... Jewelry, a smart phone, or something for the house (big planter pots for the front drive of the house)... hmmm... all of these things cost money, and all of them are things that I would LOVE, and things he would love to give me.

Augh! You see my quandary? Well, in the process of typing this post I have made a decision that I will share with you all, in writing, so it can never be brought up or used against either of us.

Ken: Please do not spend the money on me for Valentine's Day. While I would love for you to express your love with something sparkly or techy, I would rather save the money for one of our weekends away (as we have a few of those coming up). However, this does not let you off the heart day hook ;-) Cards, flowers, a special hug and kiss... nothing crazy, just heartfelt.

I love you and I know that you love me -- that makes Valentine's Day EVERY day!

So In Love -- GAG!

2008-01-06T15:06:00.001-08:00

Check it out -- PICTURES! Maybe this will inspire some comments -- nice ones please :-) This will be at the bottom of the blog going forward with updates -- check back from time to time.

Can't Imagine

2007-12-30T19:11:00.001-08:00

Recently, my father was hospitalized for pneumonia. As usual, I was the one called and I was the one who would venture to CA to check in on Dad and make sure he was OK. Frankly, I did it because I felt the need to see him in person. After he spent 2 days in ICU, I was determined that I would be going to LA, whether Dad wanted me to go or not. Turns out he did, and so off I/we went.

My husband, the sweet man that he is, has determined that I am not to drive to and from LA by myself. He worries at the mere thought of it ; never mind that I did it all by myself in the 10 years I lived here before we met. It is still sweet.

Well, while we were there, we took the time to clean Dad's place. It was just one of those things that needed to be done. You know, all the little stuff that you kind of ignore until they cannot be ignored. Well, we could not, and so we did not :-) While I was cleaning the fridge, and Ken was dusting the shelf full of glass fish, I thought of how nice it was that he was here doing this with me. Then I started to feel badly about it. I rationalized to myself that it was no big deal that he was helping me do this, as I had helped him do the same for his parents when they moved to Vegas.

Then it hit me like a knock on the head (as in I could have had a V8) -- Ken has been cleaning my mom's house all year, and now this. My first reaction was to feel badly again. Then I stopped and looked at him. Dusting away. It dawned on me that there is no one I would have rather have done this with. Not only that, but I could not imagine having done all of this in this past year alone; or more specifially, without him.

I have a gaggle of friends who have been supportive and wonderful and all sorts of amazing adjectives, but no one is my Ken. Moreover, there is no one person that I could imagine being as supportive, accommodating, loving and non-resentful as my Ken.

There are times I am frustrated that Ken takes my good qualities for granted and just accepts them as part of who I am. Well, I do the same of him. His patience, and calm in the face of a storm are two of his most amazing qualities, and I never seem to tell him that they are specifically appreciated.

I am coming to accept that this is part of being with someone you love -- you just LOVE them. Good, bad and ugly -- plain ol' LOVE them. I guess as you continue to grow your relationship, little lessons like this are inevitable.

Honey, I LOVE you... Happy New Year, and here's wishing us both a year full of health and success and plenty of good stuff to appreciate.

He Wins

2007-11-11T10:35:00.000-08:00

Ken wins the Most Wonderful Husband of the Year award!

As you know, we have both been diligently working on losing weight. I have Diabetes to thank for my impetus, and Ken has me to thank for his -- well, that and the scale. Anyway, we have both been very successful. Since July, I have dropped 45 pounds and since October, Ken has dropped about 15.

While these are great numbers and we are both very proud, that is not the purpose of this post. My purpose is to tell you how fabulous Ken is. He has been so supportive of me and my process; I could not be doing this without him.

In the meantime, we are heading to Pennsylvania in 3 weeks for his cousin's son's bar mitzvah. As a result, I needed to be able to pack appropriate clothes to wear for meeting all of Ken's Dad's side of the family as well as the only uncle on his mom's side that I have yet to meet. To say I am nervous is an understatement.

Well, when you lose the kind of weight we are losing, clothes start to not fit -- here is why Ken wins the award. He spent four and a half hours with me yesterday at the mall! Yes, he did. He helped pick out clothes for me to try on, and gave legitimate opinions. He did not complain or fuss and was just awesome. One more reason I know I married the right man for me. He rocks!

Giddy Love

2007-11-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

We were giddy. I remember it. When someone would ask me about Ken or Ken about me, we would both grin and giggle. We were giddy, in love and LOVED to share it with anyone silly enough to inquire.

With time, that has calmed down a little. Not the love, but the newness and giddiness of it. I think it has been replaced with a calm security and contentment. We have accepted that this is for real and not going anywhere. I think we have both stopped waiting for the "other shoe" to drop. Well, since I was the only one waiting, I am the one who has stopped. We still get shmoopy and smile at each other a lot and I still feel like Yay Christmas every morning when I wake up and see him next to me.

The reason I am blathering on and on about this is that last night we were at a party and there was the sweetest gal there. She was giddy. She has been married all of 4 months and if you asked her anything about anything, she made sure to bring her husband in to the topic (he was not at the party due to work) and she was simply aglow with love when she did this. It was sweet and it reminded me of myself when Ken and I were first together.

The fact that she is all of 20 years old probably did not hurt matters, either. But I think that was part of the joy that Ken and I had -- while we were both older than Sara (the gal) when we fell in love, it was the first time either of us had been in that kind of relationship where we were feeling that intense about anyone. I'd say it is safe to say that we were true loves for each other, and that is exactly the giddy joy that Sara had. 1st true love intensity.

More power to her and to us and to any other couple who still gets weak knees with each other or still gets butterflies. No matter how long you have been together, I wish you that kind of giddy, unadulterated joy at least one in your life -- repeatedly if possible.

Now and Then

2007-10-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

You did not know me when...
When I worked 14 hour days just to avoid going home to an empty house
I was sick and relied solely on myself for TLC and chicken soup
I had no pets because I was not around enough to take care of them
I was the consistent 3rd or 5th wheel when going out with friends
I worked 3 jobs to make ends meet, and still managed to stay in debt
I did not care enough about myself to require respect and care from the people I was with
You did not know me when...
I thought the only reason to wake up in the morning was because it was the thing to do.

Time passed,life happened, and I grew. With you by my side I am now the person I want to be. Not because of you, but with you.

With you, I am:
self respecting
deliberate in my actions
wiser
more self assured
giving of my self, not giving me away
part of a larger unit, a family, our family
content

As time continues to pass and we grow together and separately as individuals, I look forward to holding hands and walking under the stars reflecting on how far we have come. You, Ken Kraft, are my best friend, my heart and my love. I cannot believe it has been a year and that I am more in love with you today than the day we made it official. I wake up in the morning now eager to start my day, eager to see your smiling face and eager to say... YAY CHRISTMAS!

Happy one year anniversary my sweetheart. I can't wait for the next 50 or so to come.

Pending Doom????

2007-10-15T23:07:00.001-07:00

The one year mark is even closer, and while I could not be happier, I still cannot believe it has been a year. Perhaps I should be posting this under my other blog, for it feels like I am Overthinking the whole thing, but here we go.

Since January, Ken and I have spent no less than 20 weekends in LA! Add to that the weekends in WA and CO, and I am sure a trip or two more, and you can understand why a weekend away to celebrate is not exactly getting us all excited.

We also talked about just playing tourist and staying on the strip. But along with all the weekend travel has come plenty of hotel stays in relatively nice hotels. A Hilton is nothing to sneeze at.

Our anniversary also falls in the week of my best friend's birthday and both of her sons' birthdays. So going out for dinner will be well done by the time our actual date arrives. Besides which, we are both dieting and watching what we eat. That kind of kills going out for a fancy restaurant.

WE talked about a show on the strip. But we are doing that with Ken's Mom for her birthday and possibly for Teri's oldest son for his birthday too. Again, it kind of kills the specialness of doing it to celebrate our anniversary.

Truth be told, I feel like Ken and I have the luck of celebrating our life together daily. Do we really need to have one day that we have to do something special? We are both thinking of things and nothing seems to be sticking as what we want to do.

October 22 is just another day, isn't it? No, it is not! But I feel like every day is October 22 -- how lucky am I?!? Can't we celebrate our anniversary by just being happy together? Of course we could; and while the realist inside of me feels that way and thinks that way, the romantic girl inside of me is hoping that Ken will still find some way to surprise me or that we will figure something out together. Or not. Every day is a celebration.

Nearly A Year

2007-09-03T09:08:00.001-07:00

Can you believe it has been nearly a year since we became Mr. and Mrs.? No? Neither can we! And so much has happened in that year. It has been a wee bit on the insane side.

A quick recap to get everyone caught up before the blogging begins:

We got married (duh!)
Honeymooned (double duh!)
Bought a car
Spent innumerable hours in that car driving back and forth from Las Vegas to Los Angeles to clean out the house on Wyandotte Street
Spent a lot of time with our respective families (and survived to tell the tales) -- His parents at least once a week and my Dad every time we go to LA.
Faced a few health crises
Decided to start the adoption process sometime in the Fall of 2007
Got to know each other's friends, even better ( a weekend in Colorado here, a few days in Seattle there)
Discovered all of our friends' kids' strange attraction to Ken -- the little girls flirt, and the little boys just LOVE him!
Learned about compromise -- we now have satellite TV and the football package
Renovated the house on Wyandotte Street
Did I mention all the time together in the car driving to and from LA -- without killing one another?
Painted the insides of the house to give it some personality
Started re-furnishing the house with items that will be OURS, not mine and yours
Decided that getting married was just about the best thing either of us has ever done!

See you soon for new adventures in some sense of detail and storytelling

Our First...

2006-12-07T20:00:00.000-08:00

While I have been remiss in posting about the rest of the wedding details, I feel like most everyone who was interested has been in touch with us and knows how it all went. If I missed you, please contact me and I will fill you in. For now I am moving forward with our first...

This was our first thanksgiving as a married couple and in our new home. I did most of the cooking, but Ken was such a fabulous teammate. He prepped the china, set the table and helped me make sure that everything was done. He then proceeded to do the dishes. All of them! before we went to sleep, all the china was neatly put away in the china cabinet. How cool is that!?!

We then bought our first car together. That was interesting. He played bad cop to my good cop -- then we pulled the ol' switecheroo and I started playing hardball at the very end. It was fun, and we worked very well at this unplanned little game. In the end, I got a beautiful 2007 Honda Pilot.

Then we bought our first fake Christmas tree together. I am all about the real deal, but this year, it just seemed easier to go the fake route. I miss the smell, but Ken put it all together and when it is said and done, we get that much more time together to admire the tree. And being together is what it is about, right?

We are heading into our first Hanukkah with the Kaltman crew. That will be fun. Ken has rarely had occasion to be with my entire family all at once. He has done it before and survived, but this time it will be around potato pancakes and presents. This could get precarious.

I suppose the most important thing to note in this post is that as we are moving into all of these firsts together, TOGETHER. We have solidified a united front and are developing our our traditions and ways of making things work. We are a team and a partnership. I can easily say that I have married my best friend and I am so happy to celebrate the season with him.

There is one first that makes me sad though -- and I would be remiss to not mention it... This will be my first everything without my Mom. I survived her birthday and Thanksgiving -- a lot of tears, but survived. I am now heading into the holidays and new years and my birthday and , and, and... This will be the first YEAR without my Mom. But I will be OK. Ken and I will weather it together and all will be well in the end.

This is the first blog posting about my new life as a Happily Married woman... not the journey to the alter, but the journey as it continues after the alter...

At Last...

2006-11-05T09:17:00.000-08:00

Pardon the delay in updating since the magical day. It has not been due to lack of anything other than focus. I just do not know where to start.

The wedding was amazing. I can honestly say that there are only 3 things I would have changed. 1. My Mom would have been there by my side. 2. Teri would have been with us and 3. I would have had more time to spend with our guests.

Other than that, it was a dream come true -- in every way.

I actually felt pretty as a princess. Anyone who knows me, knows that THAT is saying a lot. My bridesmaids were all wonderful, warm, supportive, and dare I say girlie! Yes, Loo, you looked like a girl, 100%! And the men looked so sharp in their tuxedos -- especially Ken. Oh he just looked so stately and handsome!

The room for the reception was breathtaking. I can say that, because it was not what I had ordered. Our florist, Naakiti floral, did an outstanding job! As a surprise, she changed out and upgraded 1/2 of our table centerpieces, and added a candlescape to our entry point. It was warm and lovely and I could not have asked for a prettier room in which to celebrate.

The wedding itself was simply wonderful. As I came around the corner and walked down the aisle, I just focused on Ken -- the whole way. I remember saying something to my Dad as we started down the walk, but then all I saw was Ken. He was like a beacon in the storm and all I wanted to do was get to him. Once I was there, the ceremony took off. I could not stop laughing, so I missed part of Ken's vows. I was trying to talk myself into stopping the giggles so that when it was my turn, I could do my thing. People said they thought I was crying, but no, I was just having a case of the nervous giggles.

OK, I have been sitting on this part of the post for like a week. It is the first in what will become mini-series, I think. So enjoy it for what it is....

I will say, though, that it sucks to have Ken gone to India in our first real week as marrieds. ugh!

It's HEEEERE!

2006-10-20T07:14:00.000-07:00

No more countdowns, for the most part. Our wedding weekend has arrived and the onslaught has begun. Our first guests arrived last night and another large contingency will be here today an this evening. How exciting is that!?

It seems to me that at this point blogging serves to help make sure we remember the next few days. At first, time was creeping along, then all of a sudden BAM! It was here. I do not want to forget any of this.

Everyone has been so wonderful. My friends from work have gone way above and beyond, and my bridal party has been wonderful.

Ken and I are going strong, and I am having absolutely NO SECOND THOUGHTS! No cold feet, no question that we are doing the right thing.

The favors are put together, for the most part, and the welcome bags are ready for delivery. Tuxes are being picked up, dresses are being steamed. I would say everything that can be on track is on track.

My mom will not be there with us on Sunday, and now neither will Teri. How does one get married without her Mom or her best friend? I am taking it moment by moment. I am so sad beyond compare, but it is balanced with joy and love for Ken and all of our guests who will be sharing this day. And I I keep reminding myself that when it is all said and done, this is ONE day. While my mom will never be here again, Ken and I will have a lifetime to share special moments with Teri and her newly expanded family.

So, (raising an imaginary glass) here's to a new life and a lifetime of memories to come.

2006-10-17T06:50:00.000-07:00

We are down to 5 days before it will be a done deal. The marriage lisence is in hand, and all the final details are starting to come together. Just need to do it now. How cool is that?

Well, I am thinking that with the craziness, this will be among the last of the posts to this particular blog -- unless it takes on a new life post wedded bliss.

Anyway, gentle readers, please take the time to send us any of your words of wisdom, advice or good wishes as we head into this new chapter of our lives.

Looking forward to hearing from you all.

Sooner than later

2006-10-03T20:46:00.000-07:00

We are down to a glorious 19 days away from becoming Mr. and Mrs. How cool, huh?

As we move forward, we are down to the nitty gritty details -- shoes, champagne, thank you notes, etc. The list goes on, a lot more than I would like. But we are getting there.

We have decided to not be too social for the duration, using our free time to get "stuff" done. Sounds good huh? Well, it would be, if we could do it. For some reason we are better at things in theory than in reality. But isn;t that the case with most people?

Ken has become my best friend and my family. I cannot recall much of my life before there was an US, other than to know that I was not nearly as contented as I am now. Well, outside of wedding prep. I am not worried about the marriage, rather, I am petrified about the wedding.

I think it goes back to my fear of having a lame party and no one showing up. Amanda wrote of it the other day and I wondered how she knew exactlly what I am afraid of! How sucky would it be if we threw this killer party, and no one showed up!? Augh!

I know this post is all over the board, but frankly, it is how my head is feeling right now. I am all over the place and just so thankful to have a Ken to keep my feet planted on the ground and my friends to put up with me.

18 days and counting!!!

Let it Rain...

2006-09-17T16:46:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, THANK YOU to everyone who has been so encouraging over the past month or so. It has been rough, but we are making it through with what I think are flying colors. We figure that after this year, if we can make it through this, we are home relatively free.

I had my first bridal shower yesterday. What a lovely, lovely day it was. I was showered with more than gifts. I was showered with love and affection and kindness from some of the most wonderful women a gal could ask to count as friends.

Teri and Lora together threw me the most wonderful shower. There was yummy food from Olive Garden, and a fabulous Cost Co Cake (my FAVORITE!) and a punch that Teri made for me from what I could remember of my Mom's recipe. And people... lest we forget the people. There were more than 20 women at Teri's home, all from different parts of my life, and all there to celebrate the love that I have found with Ken. THANK YOU TERI and LORA FOR GIVING ME A DAY THAT I WILL REMEMBER ALWAYS!!!

As I was unpacking the gifts today, I was just in awe of what people shared of themselves. We got bakeware and cookware, and decorative items for our home; candles and dishes and clocks and, and, and... the list goes on.

One of my girlfriends even went as far as to buy the $300 toasting flutes that I had the audacity it register for at Macy's. I was awe-struck to see them in person, and touched beyond words that she would make sure that I had something so beautiful.

Other cool gifts included kick ass iPod portable speakers, a cast iron Dutch oven and even a piece of pretty lingerie. We even got a couple of handmade gifts and cards. I just could not believe it all.

We played games -- one based on Ken's and my letters to one another as we were getting know eachother on eHarmony. We pulled lines from letters and people had to guess who wrote which line. I tested Ken and even he got them wrong. We really are just so nicely compatible.

I missed my Mom being there, but I know she would have had a blast and she would have loved seeing how many people I am lucky enough to call friend. She would also have been amazed at the outpouring of love from Ken's family. Every one of them sent a gift to the shower and a sweet, thoughtful card. I just cannot fathom that this is going to be my family. How lucky am I!?

Anyway, we are 5 weeks from the big day as of today (that was for you, Teri) and coming down to crunch time. I still do not have shoes for the wedding, and still need to get the thank you gifts for the bridesmaids and, and, and...

I know it is just going to fly by, so in advance of that, I am telling you all how much I have enjoyed the journey to our wedding with you all.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

2006-08-31T21:20:00.000-07:00

As you all know by now, my mother passed away on August 19, 2006. A little more than 2 months before the day I am to marry the most wonderful man I could ever hope to marry. While we continue to deal with the fluctuating tide of grief that washes over me, we are also doing some things that are worth mentioning.

We bought our wedding bands last night! Ken's is handsome and sharp with a small and tasteful diamond in it. It is not the one he originally chose, but I like this one so much more, and so does he. My ring is just beautiful -- can you say sparkle!?

While we were at the jewelry store, Ken offered me a "just because" gift, as the last 2-3 weeks have been such unadulterated HELL. I declined, but thanked him for his generosity, and instead opted for a "with purpose" gift (hee hee). Ken bought me a stunning piece of jewelry that I will wear on our wedding day, with my gown. It was perfect and I love it. Though I do not love it as much as I love him.

I took the necklace to Teri's tonight to try it with THE DRESS to make sure that it would go with it. I cried when I saw the dress, reminded that my mom never did and never will see me in my gown. BUT, the necklace worked perfectly and I am happy for that.

My showers are all being rescheduled, as a result of the course of recent events. Las Vegas shower is September 16, LA Shower is Oct 7 and work shower is TBD. All I can say is that I am truly blessed.

These last several weeks have put Ken and myself through the wringer. Through it all, though, we have remained in tact and very much in love. Both of our families have been wonderful -- mine is stepping forward to be supportive, and Ken's is welcoming into their fold with open arms.

My MOM is gone, but so totally NOT forgotten. There will be new posts soon regarding wedding prep and so on. Hope to see you all around.

The festivities that weren't

2006-08-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

While Ken and I are still in LA awaiting my mom's progress towards health, we had to postpone what would have been our bachelor and bachelorette parties, and my first bridal shower.

It was not a fun decision, but it was the right one, and we are both so thankful to have friends and loved ones that not only made all the plans in the first place, but were so accommodating in canceling them as well.

We are also grateful for a couple of my friends that have truly become OUR friends. While in LA< we are staying with the Blanks -- Mitch and Smantha. They live closer to the hospital than anyone an dopened their home to us on a moment's notice -- much like Teri has done for me over the years. ANywa, as we were leaving for the hospital yesterday, we were told, "you have to be home by 8:30" When we questioned them we were told that though we had to cancel our festivities for the weekend, there was no reason some festivities could not to us.

When we got "home" there was a ball and chain for Ken to don and a veil covered in condoms for me. Penis straws were hanging from the light fixtures, drinks were made and the poker table was covered in little penis shaped candies. (I guess there is not an abundance of boob or va-jay-jay paraphernalia to be had) In the meantime, it was our own mini bachelor/bachelorette party with two of the greatest frineds a person could ask for.

We had some drinks, played some cards and topped the night of with sex trivia -- all questions that are related to sex. Interesting, and I think Smantha and I enjoyed it more than the guys. None of it took away the fact that we are here while my mom is working diligently to stay alive, but it sure did relieve some of the stress for a night.

THANKS MITCH AND SAMANTHA!!!
For updates on my mom, go here.

to the point

2006-08-14T07:30:00.000-07:00

For the latest update, please see this.

Hugs and kisses to all :-)

1000 sweet kisses

2006-08-07T21:32:00.000-07:00

I told Ken to come up with something to write and he said... "1000 sweet kisses."

What a great song! I keep listening to the soundtrack from Rent, and so many of the songs evoke great feelings. None of them, however, are just right for our wedding. But they are so good for shmoopy moments -- like this.

Things are kind of rough right now in my world, and Ken has just been wonderful. He is shlepping to doctor's appointments with me, holding my hand and being as supportive as he can be.

It is the first time in my life that someone other than my mom has been there to help me through something that is not so nice. I have gotten used to doing it alone,as I live far from my mom, but as Ken will tell you... I am a spoiled princess, "as it should be." I like not doing things like this alone and I LOVE the fact that Ken is there by my side.

My mom will ALWAYS be my mom and she will always be with me, but it is nice to have a Ken, too. I love you Mom.

But to my Ken, I send you... 1000 sweet kisses!

Thank You

2006-08-01T22:05:00.000-07:00

82 days... And counting!!!!

Got my first delivery today from one of the stores we are registered at. How very exciting. Ken asked if I was opening it, to which I replied, "ummm, NO! That is a shower gift and I will open it then."

"oh, OK," says he as he kinda pouts a little. One more reason I love him so much.

And THANK YOU to whomever sent it. I assure you, thank you notes will be abundant.

82 DAYS!!!

Help us out Folks

2006-07-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

QUESTION FOR ALL READERS: What was your "first song" when you were married? If you did not have a first song, then what is your song with your sweetheart?

And the Countdown Begins

2006-07-22T23:11:00.000-07:00

In some cases, the countdown has been on for months, but reality hit me square in the face when I realized that Ken and I will be Mr. and Mrs. Kraft, officially, 3 months from today -- if you go by date. It will be 3 months from tomorrow if you go by days.

Sunday, October 22, 2006 is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!

On a plus note, I can now speak of things like this without hyper ventilating, choking or itching. That is progress if ever I heard of it. We even joined bank accounts and applied for my passport today, and I had no adverse reactions, other than to look at Ken square in the eye and ask him if he was sure. One "Absolutely" from him and I was game.

A few more things crossed off theknot.com list. A couple more will be done tomorrow and I will feel a little more in control of it all.

QUESTION FOR ALL READERS: What was your "first song" when you were married? If you did not have a first song, then what is your song with your sweetheart?

Enough about us...

2006-07-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

For months we are writing all about ourselves, about the wedding, about our life together... It feels to me like time for a change (for now at least).

How are YOU today? What is going on in your world, and what do feel like sharing? (it doe not have to be earth shattering, just something you feel like saying.)

And on that note, have a great Thursday!

Who rocks?

2006-07-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

Ken Rocks! I hope there is never a day when I do not wake up, roll over, see his face and just plain ol' smile! I am sure that day will come, but for right now -- KEN ROCKS!

Today would be a "for worse" day

2006-07-08T15:35:00.000-07:00

AUGH! What to wear!? I have nothing to wear, I stand screaming from the closet. No, not for every day, but for my cousin's wedding next week. If my wedding is causing anyone the kind of stress I am feeling about getting just the right dress to wear for this shindig, then I am so very, very sorry!

Ken, admittedly not wanting to go with me, trudged to the mall with me today and helped me through several stores while we looked at dresses and outfits that might work. He is a doll for going, but in the midst of it all, I am reminded why I should go with a girlfriend. He is not good at hiding when he is bored or ready to be done. In this case, it came midway through the first store. Oh rapture!

I do not get to go shopping at Dillards very often, so while they were having huge summer sales, I thought it would not hurt to look for some stuff for the honeymoon as well -- ya know "resort wear". Ummm, no, Ken thought not.

On the plus side, I did find a dress at Macy's that while it may not work for the wedding next week, will be PERFECT for either my rehearsal brunch or either of my showers. One dress down -- more shopping to come.

And thank you Ken for being tolerant and supportive as I try on disaster after disaster, and for keeping me focused.

Can I wear a potato sack?

Day-O!

2006-06-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

Well. It's official. The honeymoon is booked! The best piece is that neither of our heads exploded and we came in at budget, which was even better. There were a lot of options out there, and we did our due dilligence. We decided to use both a travel agent and our own web research to help in the process. The requirements we gave to the travel agent were that we wanted to be on the ocean, it should be an all-inclusive resort and we wanted to be able to go on a glass-bottom boat tour and see dolphins.

After meeting with the travel agent, we narrowed it down to Costa Rica, Jamaica, the Bahamas and Cancun/Cozymel. After looking at the options in each of the locations, we decided on Jamaica and further narrowed it down to a specific beach, even - Negril beach. There were two super-inclusive resorts that we identified. SuperClub's Grand Lido resort and Sandals @ Negril. After researching both resorts and doing some price comparison, we have a winner folks! The Grand Lido Negril it will be. Eight days and Seven night in Jamaica! WOO HOO!

We're wondering - can we skip the wedding and just go straight for the honeymoon? No? Damn.

Also, our florist rules. While we were getting frustrated over a lack of return phone calls (more on that at a later date), she finally managed to reign us in. Wn't go into too many details, but it was something well deserved.

Updates

2006-06-26T06:32:00.000-07:00

Registering is complete! Yahooo -- no more shopping with a little gun in hand. Though it was sweet when Ken pointed it at me and said I want one of YOU!
Pool is finished and cool, and usable -- we both have the pink shoulders and noses to prove it.
Honeymoon decision is 90% made. Ken will finalize the decision when he talks with the travel agent today. Looks like a distant destination ... maaaan.
Step one of the invitations is complete -- ribboning. The envelopes will go to the calligrapher by Wednesday, and when we get them back, we will begin with the folding and stuffing -- my wedding party ROCKS!
We went to a party at our friend's place on Saturday night. We had such a good time. It was nice to be with other couples and not be the one single person there, which was a regular thing for both of us in the pre-US days. The new friends (Casey and Jennifer), we are finding, are not only cool in and of themselves, but we liked THEIR friends too. We even invited a few of them to come to our BBQ thing this weekend.

I blogged a few days ago about how things move on you feel left behind. Well, one more of Ken's friends is flying the coop. Seems like our circle of friends that are local is getting smaller and smaller. Makes me sad, and making new friends as an adult is not such an easy thing to do -- life kind of gets in the way. We are branching out and meeting new people, though. AND taking extra good care of the friends we still have in town -- "make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold..."

Gag Alert... Shmoopiness to follow

2006-06-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

Things are moving along nicely, as I find they do so often now that Ken and I are together. That is nice.

I had several friends/co-workers over last night. Each one of them, at a different time, said something to me about my husband to be. "He is so nice!" "You did so good!" "He is a great catch." And I think my favorite was, "You seem so at peace these days. You guys are so nice together and it really was so nice to be in your lovely home. It was very welcoming and comfortable -- kind of like the two of you." (That one nearly had me in tears)

OK, I am sure you are all ready to gag -- my apologies. I am just kind of swimming in Shmoopiness tonight.

The pool is officially a pool.
This house is officially our home.
We just need to be officially married already! (But I am officially HAPPY-FULL)

Not CUTE

2006-06-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

The invitations arrived last night! They are here and they are real and Oh My God! We are getting married!!!!!

One thing disturbing me, though (cause you know there has to be something), is that the couple of people who have seen the samples both said, "oh, how cute." Cute!? They are not cute! They are elegant, they are pretty, they are interesting, but they are NOT CUTE!

There, now that I got that off my chest... have a great day!

But, I'm Tiiiiiiiiiired

2006-06-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

That was me after three and a half hours of shopping at the Macy's Home Store! Yes, 3.5 long, drawn out hours, shopping for the registry, and Ken was by my side holding my hand the whole time. Who would have thought that we needed so much "stuff". Ok, well, maybe need is a strong word. But we did recently combine both of our starter homes and as a result have ended up with a nice hodgepodge of wonderful stuff. But there is something to be said about wanting to have matching everything, or at least semi coordinated everything. I had to keep reminding myself of that. It is OK to want a full set of matching dinner and serving wear -- really, it is OK.

That was just Macy's. I then came home and proceeded to set up our Target registry on line -- cause you know you have to have stuff in different price ranges -- I have been told time and again. That one is nearly done too. Then of course there is the Crate and Barrell Registry that I started with my Mom when I was in LA in Februay. I did not necessarily want to do that one, but I am glad that I did. It was nice to do that with my Mom and I LOVE the stuff that we put on the registry there. They had more fun and interesting things for the kitchen.

When it is all said and done though, it feels weird to register -- but then again, I am someone who feels weird when someone asks me what I want for the holidays or my brithday. Spending hour upon hour shopping to give somone a detailed list -- now that is plain ol wacky!

But it is pretty much done -- Target, Macy's and Crate and Barrell are ours, all available on line and in person. I have studied and learned well -- THEKNOT.com would be proud.

Further excitement is that we picked out tuxes yesterday on a lark. Ken in ivory on ivory with black tux, and the "guys" in black on ivory with black tux. All so sharp!

Finally, invitations, which supposedly take forever to have done, were ordered and have already been shipped in less than 2 weeks! Oh my God, this really is going to happen -- and at this point, sooner than later!

Looks like we are back in WEDDING MODE.

Settling In

2006-05-31T20:42:00.000-07:00

I am not sure how to describe what I am feeling right now. I think it might be total contentment. Maybe complacency, but I am thinking contentment.

We got home from work today -- well I got home, Ken came into the house from the casita. Anyway, we got home from work, said our hellos and discussed our days briefly. Then we ran to the store (Cost Co is our new local grocery store I think) and came home to make dinner. Dinner was done, we did the dishes together, Ken is emptying the garbage now and I am blogging. No drama, no urgency, no BIG PLANS... Nothing. Just a nice evening home together. I said to him, " I think this is us settled in." He asked if I was OK with that, and to my surprise, my answer was a sound YES. A rather emphatic YES. YES YES YES.

Anyone who knows me, has known me or thinks they know me, knows that I am not a sit still kind of gal. I find reasons to run around, create errands for running and book my social calendar so full that I cannot breathe. NO MORE.

Ken and I are relaxing into our relationship, I think, as we are moving to the next level. Planning the wedding, planning the moves and becoming a couple over the last year has been amazing; to the point that it kind of just happened in a blur. But I am enjoying this new phase where we can relax and just live a combined life. Dishes and garbage included.

Catch up

2006-05-26T21:18:00.000-07:00

OK, so we have been a little busy. Sorry for the lapse in writing.

We are in the house. It is amazing and we both love it. It really is OUR home -- pieces of each of us strewn throughout the house. And a little of my Mom and Ken's folks here and there too. It really is already feeling like a HOME.
Invitations are ordered! I am so excited to have that major monkey off our backs. I figure we will send them out in mid August, so travelers have time to book flights and such.
Teri and Ann Marie have started work on the bridal shower. I think I am getting excited. We are talking periwinkle! Yay!!!!
Ken gets home from another India trip tomorrow... I am counting the minutes until I get to see him and hug him again! Yay home!!!!
In Ken's absence I went back to the old house to finish cleaning out the Master Bedroom and closet for the new renter. Oh My GOD! No one in their right mind should have this much "stuff." I made 2 trips to Goodwill with more than 12 bags of clothing and various other items, and have more than 10 bags of garbage in waiting to go out. Top that off with brining three more bags and a full backseat of clothing back to the new place with me. And I dare say, "I have nothing to wear."
They poured the deck for the pool today and i had the guy scribble Ken's and my initials in a small spot. This is so totally OUR house.. Wait, I said that already, huh?
We will be back into wedding things when Ken returns home -- starting next weekend with registering. The questions are coming in about where we are registered, so we are going to go do it soon. Right now we are looking at Mikasa, Macy's and Target (with a small bit at Crate and Barrel for those in LA). Does that sound like too much? I am open for suggestions, experiences and feedback... HELP!
I am so glad Ken will be home tomorrow!!!!

Ch-ch-changes

2006-05-16T19:33:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the recycled title, but sometimes it is called for. This, of course, would be one of such times.

We finally moved into the house -- after what seems like an eternity, but in reality was a mere six months, we are living at Eiderdown. We are in OUR home, sharing OUR lives and further cementing the US, WE, OURS and all those other pronouns or titles.

While the house is amazing, and I love it a little more every day; it was not until we moved in that it all hit me. ALL... As in the whole kit and caboodle. The coupledom that has enveloped us both, the family and traditions that we are starting, the leaving the me and mine behind to be we and ours. Ken reminded me again that there is no one on this earth I would rather go through all of this with and for.

We are slowly but surely settling into the house. Ken actually comes to kiss me goodbye before heading "out the door" for work -- a whole 50 feet away in the casita. It is odd to have him actually leave for work. But I think it will be great in the long run.

The kitchen rocks! Cannot wait to make Thanksgiving dinner in it -- everyone is invited! We are doing laundry like crazy and finding places to put things and all sorts of good stuff like that. All the things that make it ours. The window coverings are even nice.

I am totally convinced that we did the right thing by buying this house, and making it our HOME.
PS: we found a renter for the townhouse... he moves in in June and all is well!

Home Sweet...

2006-04-26T07:09:00.000-07:00

Can we call it "home" if we are not living there yet?

Yesterday we had our final walkthrough, signed last minute papers and voi la! Keys in hand, clickers in place -- we own our home!

We kind of hung out at the house marveling at the reality of it all, but not really feeling reality. I think we are both waiting to have our "stuff" to be in for it to feel real. In the meantime, we sat on the floor, ate dinner and giggled -- a lot.

We will be moving things over during the coming weeks, but I am sure it will all come down to a last minute crunch when the movers arrive on the 6th of May. Why is it that things always come down to a final crunch time?

The appliances are being delivered on Friday. A kick A$$ refrigerator and killer washer and dryer set. Thanks for the Washing Machine Mom! And we are still hoping for carpet on Saturday. I think that once those two things are done, we will be on the fast track for moving in.

It will be the first time we will live together, alone. While we will miss Dave (a wonderful room mate) it will be fun to kind of just be us. I think I am a little nervous about it, actually. But good nervous.

One step closer to being US! This wedding cannot come fast enough!

Packing

2006-04-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

The time has come to pack up my house as we prepare to move in the next couple of weeks. Ken's has been done for about a month. We started in my office yesterday. It is more of a catch all room than my office, or Ken's office any more. It is full of all sorts of history, paperwork and, let's face it -- garbage! Going through the room, I was confronted with a few items that I had forgotten all about. Pictures of old " dating experiences", cards to and from past relationships, and other stuff of the like. Whereas as first I was compelled to keep some of it, in the end, it ended up where it belonged -- either in the shredder or the garbage can. I have a past, this is true. But there is no need to hold on to it, I decided. I have a great, bright, happy and healthy present and future -- why hang on to all that old stuff that does nothing but bring up icky feelings? So as we attempt to finish the office packing today, I am filled with a sense of accomplishment on so many levels. Most of all, though, for the life Ken and I have built and continue to build.

Speaking of building -- we signed the papers on the HOUSE on Thursday, and will be picking up the keys this Tuesday. How cool!?

And somewhere in between the packing, moving and organizing, we will be stuffing envelopes with the Save the Date cards! we picked them up yesterday. Oh, they do look marvelous. We are very excited and cannot wait to share all our joy with you!

Truth in Advertising

2006-04-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

We found it! All of it! Every last detail, documented for posterity! Excitement does not suffice.

After my blogging tonight, Ken and I were sitting in the office on adjacent computers, and he asked me if I had gotten any email from eHarmony. For those of you who don't know, that is how we met. Yep, eHarmony! Anyway, I digress.

He had gotten some kind of email from them, and when he logged in to the website to have them further remove his profile, he stumbled across something that was worth every penny either of us ever paid. Ken was able to access all of our opening interactions, all 4 "stages" of eHarmony's rigmarole, there in color on his monitor.

I then followed his lead and logged on to see if I could still access my stuff, even though I had pulled myself from their system. Sure enough, I could. So we sat here, like 2 kids going back in forth reading our respective profiles, likes and dislikes, closed ended questions... You name it. Then, the piece de resistance - our letters.

Ken and I shared 2 weeks of letter writing before we moved to the phone. It was like getting to know eachother all over again. Not to mention, remembering what was happening in our lives at the time we met. The best part was that all of it was true. We discovered that neither of us lied or exaggerated or hid anything. We were both up front, honest and completely ourselves. Voi La! Look what happens when you let your guard down and are just who you are.

I am even more in love with this man tonight than I thought was possible -- thanks, again, to eHarmony!

Wishing it all away

2006-04-16T19:40:00.000-07:00

"I cannot wait to spend my life with you."
" I cannot wait until we are sharing our lives together."
" I cannot wait..."
Ken and I have both been saying these things for weeks if not months. And each time we say it, we back it up with a qualifier -- "until we are married."

The fact of the matter though, is that we ARE sharing our lives , we ARE spending our life together, and we ARE...

With all the planning and such that is going on, it is easy to get lost in the future what ifs, and I cannot waits... I am waking up to the fact today that this is not a future thing.... it is a NOW thing.

How many other things do we spend so much time looking forward to that we miss the here and now?

The walk through before the walkthrough was last Friday, the walkthrough and signing is on Thursday this week, and we get keys on the 25th! I want to enjoy ever day of this, every minute of it and every step along the way and I want to stop looking forward to the next steps.

Let's see how long that lasts.

Are we going to have anything to talk about?

2006-04-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

That was one of the topics of discussion for Amy and I in our phone conversation on Friday, April 1st, 2005.

"I'm nervous"
"Why?"
"Because tomorrow, our relationship will change forever."
"That's true, but that can be a good thing. We can't move this relationship forward if we don't meet [after two weeks of e-mail and phone conversations.]"

And so it was. The agreed upon time was 4 p.m. The agreed upon place was The Coffee Bean at the District @ Green Valley Ranch. I'll never forget walking up the alleyway, seeing her sitting there and meeting to hug. That first date lasted seven hours, and then we talked for another three hours the next night.

And so, it been a year since that first date. In that time, we met each other's families, bought a house together, became engaged and moved in together. It's been quite a year, and I thank everyone for their help along the way.

For those with sensitive stomachs, you may want stop here.

Amy, I love you more and more every single day. You continue to amaze me. I love you and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

Quick catch up

2006-03-28T22:17:00.000-08:00

I was talking with my Mom tonight, and in explaining to her why I have been less than engaged in recent conversation with her, it dawned on me -- life is moving forward at breakneck speeds and I am kind of distracted. Then it was driven home by my realization that this weekend is our 1 year anniversary, and we are spending the weekend doing things to commemorate that on every level.

Saturday, we are doing our engagement photos -- finally. After two cancellations, I am hoping the third time will be the charm. Then Ken is meeting movers at his place to move out, as he is in final stages of selling, signing paperwork and moving out -- for real! While he does that, the search for bridesmaids dresses will take on a new face -- seriously. Then, Saturday night we are going out for a private romantic dinner to start the celebration of our anniversary, only to finish it off on Sunday with a matinee of RENT! at the Paris Hotel and then dinner with friends Mitch and Samantha. Mitch and I go way back to high school, an he is one of Ken's grooms men. I am so excited.

In conversation this evening, Ken and I came to yet another realization -- this April 2, will be our first and last time celebrating an anniversary like this. The next one will be October 22, 2007, one year of marriage! And that will be the first of many!

Happy Birthday

2006-03-22T06:30:00.000-08:00

Today is Ken's birthday. I mention this because it was only a year ago that we started talking via the internet. Actually, it was shortly before his birthday. I know this, because I distinctly remember his telling me in a letter shortly after his birthday that he had gone out celebrating. I was bummed not to have known it was a special day beforehand, not that I could have done anything, but because I guess I like to think I might have done something. Anyway, I digress. It was only a year ago, and now I get to celebrate his birthday this year, and all the rest to come!

Today is Ken's birthday, and I feel like I am the one getting the presents. He is such a gift. With every day I get to unwrap another layer of this man and learn more about the intricacies that make so wonderful -- a silly face, a wise word, a thoughtful action. Whatever it is, it is part of what makes him so special.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Movin' Right Along

2006-03-16T06:20:00.000-08:00

Things are moving right along. The house is amazingly close to being done. Cabinets are being installed this week, and the hole for the pool is being dug this week. It is amazing to watch.

The wedding is coming along nicely too. The only thing really left to do is pick out the bridesmaids dresses and wedding favors. We found a gown that all the gals like, it is just a matter of getting a couple of them to go try it on. My quandary is this... there is a shop in town that was so amazingly helpful while we were looking for my dress that I REALLY want to give her the business. Katie from A Gorgeous Gown is what customer service is all about. The issue at hand is that she does not carry the line of dresses that has the gown we all like. I think we will all have to make a trip to her store to see if she has anything we like, and also go look at the gown we know we like, in person. Decision time is here. Theknot.com tells me I am behind on doing this.

Other than that, everything is on course. Deposits are being made left and right (thanks Mom) and things are being ordered that need to be ordered. We even got some killer rates on a couple of hotels to offer our guests. It is almost time for the calm before the storm... almost.

I hope this post finds everyone out there in cyberworld, that reads this but leaves no comment, doing well and having plenty of reasons to smile.

Ta Dah!

2006-02-28T22:38:00.000-08:00

I am just back from a very productive weekend in LA with my Mom. First of all, she was right -- there is something to be said about shopping for your wedding dress with your mother. There is nothing quite like it, and I am glad I had the chance to share this with my Mom.

With that said -- WE BOUGHT MY DRESS!!!! I am not telling you all which one, or what it looks like. Just suffice it to say, that it has been ordered and I glow in it. Well, that might have something to do with Ken, but glowing is glowing and I will take it at any rate.

Now that the dress has been picked, I can move forward with everything else -- invites, flowers, etc... I am sure it will all come together. I feel a huge sense of relief now, so that is good.

While visiting with Mom, we looked at invitations, and I think I am narrowing that down as well. I just need to get the final nod from Ken -- he actually has opinions about this stuff -- who'da think it? Mom has great taste and good insight, so it was helpful. Our tastes are VERY different, but she is starting to see things through my eyes, and I am seeing them through hers.

I a sensing accomplishment and feeling very good about all of it.

On a sad note, Ken is in India, so he missed going to visit Mom with me and my cousin's engagement party. She is getting married in July and I am so happy for her. Ken is doing a great job over there, and we are both very much looking forward to his return home on Saturday.

Now, if we do not start getting some input on favors, you are all going to end up with something really silly -- just out of spite Come on, help a couple out!

A new light

2006-02-15T21:38:00.000-08:00

This is a new template for our blog -- not sure if we like it yet, but I figured as our lives are changing, so too should our blog. We will keep playing around with this to see what fits us best, but be advised, changes, they are a'comin'.

The house is coming along amazingly! The house is really taking shape with exterior walls, all the wiring and stuff like that going on. We had our frame inspection walk through today and that was just too freaking cool for words. It will be neat-o to see it at the next step -- drywall and interior walls! Yahoo!

The wedding plans are moving along nicely as well. I am going to LA next weekend to visit my mom for a very much overdue visit, and some -- yep, you guessed it! Wedding Dress Shopping! My mom's opinion means a lot to me. One sideways look from her, and my mind changes immediately, much like I think is the case for a lot of mothers and daughters. AND, since I am not having huge luck shopping without her, maybe I just need the magic eye of my mom to help me narrow down the field. In any case, I am sure it will be a good weekend.

We have not decided on a florist yet -- both of the gals we are working with are so different, there is no one overriding factor to switch us one way or the other. My mom also pointed out that since I do not have my dress yet, it is probably making it harder to make choices on flowers and such. Who knows?

One thing I DO know is that I am sure of the man I am marrying. He gave me a great Valentine's Day and if it were solely up to me, we would be married this weekend and done with it! I am ready to be planning a marriage rather than a wedding. But, we have started down this path, and we will finish it to the end -- the very beautiful, elegant and charming end!

Still looking for suggestions on favors!

Status Updates

2006-02-08T10:16:00.000-08:00

It's been another busy week for wedding stuff. We have received two floral bids so far, and they are pretty much under budget - YAY! We are just looking to see samples so we can get an idea of whose style we like better, and we'll go from there. They are definitely two different styles and two different personalities so it will be interesting.

We've scheduled our engagement photo session. As of now, it's slated for Monday, February 20th. We are going to determine if it's possible to do at the house and we'll go over to Discovery Park in Aliante. The waterfall there is gorgeous and there are a lot of places for pictures. We really like the park.

Amy is still working on finding her dress. She was going to go a couple of places on Monday, but that fell through. Once that's done, we can pick out tuxes and determine which bows look best on the bridesmaid dresses. Amy's going to make sure that Teri and Lora help her with that piece since they have their hearts set on the biggest bows possible(hehehe).

Amy is still working on invitations. I've given up on that. My brain has just shut down.

We've pretty much narrowed the places we want to register down to a select few, and will look to finalize that by April - just in time for Save the Date cards!

Anyway, that's all for now. We should have our florist decided on by the end of the weekend and expect to make some decisions on invitations soon.

Long Time no Write -- this is LONG

2006-02-01T21:24:00.000-08:00

Hi All,
We are still here among the living, if you were wondering. Wedding plans have been moving right along, as have things with both of our work lives, living arrangements (Ken pretty much moved in) and our new home.

First of all, we went to the wedding spectacular last weekend. After checking out a few photographers while we were there, we really found that we had already mentally made our decision. So we completed the transaction, wrote a check and booked J and J photo for our wedding. The gals who do the photography were great. Their work is wonderful and creative while staying slightly traditional, and their price package seemed to be in line with the other folks we were looking at. So that is one thing definitely done. Funny how once you write that check, something becomes DONE.

While at the spectacular, we also met a few floral folks. As a result we had an appointment with one tonight (Naakiti Floral) and then another one on Friday. We will get back to you on that next time.

Oh! by the way... the colors are at a 90% confirmation: black, white and ivory. All the "color" will come from the flowers, and that is ALL I am telling you!

Ken. He has all but moved in here to the Durango house. I am guessing that once the BIG TV is here, it will be more complete. Well, that and when he sells his place. But it is an amazing experience to be living with him. I have been on my own for about 10 years, so one would think this would take adjusting. Surprisingly, Ken himself, has not been hard to adjust to at all. The cats and the extra "stuff" around the room is another story. I am guessing it bodes well for us that I simply love having him here and cannot wait to come home at the end of the day to see his face. Gee, ya think that might be why we are getting married?

Work is crazy for me, and I will blog or blab about that in Overthinking. Ken is prepping for his first India trip. How sad am I that he will be gone for 10 days!?!?

I know we have asked before, but we are still open to favor ideas, or comments of any kind. PLEASE leave us a note to let us know you have been here. It makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Talk to you again soon :-)

I spoke too soon!

2006-01-23T20:49:00.000-08:00

I may have spoken too soon on all those decisions. As an "Overthinker" by nature, I have been revieweing some of the decisions I had made and am therefore rethinking them and possibly changing my mind.

The dress is still at 90% , but I can't help but feel like there is something missing in it. We will see. Also, looking at the dress and the invites we had picked, it is a no-go. I know they don't have to match, butI would like them to both relay the atmosphere we are trying to set. These two items definitely did not match. So, I cannot say that either of them are a done deal. And if they are not a done deal, then there is no way the bridesmaid dresses are a fait complete.

What I can say is that Ken is beyond patient with me with all this flim flam. I cannot tell you how many invitations we have looked at on line, or how many "ideas" I have floated past him. He just kind of rolls along with it all. THANKS HONEY!

I am thinking I need to just relax until we hit the bridal show this weekend, then I can move forward. I will keep you all posted.

In the meantime... we have wood!!!! We went by the house and not only is there a foundation, but there is a frame! They said there should be a roof-ish by Friday! Waaa Hooo!

Exhaling

2006-01-21T20:19:00.000-08:00

Things are getting checked off of our to do list at what feels like a rapid fire pace all of a sudden. We have the date, the location, the officiant, the invitations ( I LOVE REXCRAFT!!!), the cake, catering and DJ (all included in the location), AND we are down to a final 3 on photographers (J&J Photo, Elegant Images and Steve Keegan), 2 on florists and shhh, don't tell -- I found my dress! (A Georgeous Gown Bridal Boutique -- the owner is wonderful and top notch customer service!)

All of this before the Bridal Spectacular next weekend. We have been forewarned -- it will be overwhelming and there will be a LOT of people trying to sell us stuff. But we are good to go. We are hoping to find some ideas for favors, though we really are liking the ideas that we are already toying with, and Ken has been promised cake, and lots of it!

Rumor also has it that every vendor has something to give as a gift and there are tons of prize giveaways, from wedding cakes to honeymoon packages and diamond rings. I am full intending to walk away from this as a lucky winner of something. Though, truth be told, I already have the best prize a girl could ask for. (gag now... ) Ken! Ken and I are going for "Date Night" on Friday night, and then Teri and I are going on Saturday.

Oh! Did I mention, we may have found the bridesmaid dresses too! All that is left is the tuxedos, save the date cards and travel packets and such for the save the date packets. BUT -- we have until April to do those.

I think I can take a deep breath -- Ahhhhhhhh

Decisions!

2006-01-15T16:57:00.000-08:00

We did it! No, not that! But we did make a decision on our officiate for the wedding! We met with two lovely gentlemen on Saturday morning. During the first meeting with Reverend Phil, he started describing to us the ceremony, and then said, "At then I will introduce you to everyone... " Oh My God! I totally teared up and started crying. Tears of joy, mind you, but tears nonetheless. Then during the second meeting, the one with Reverend Peter, he all but married us during the interview. He had Ken do the vows, to show us how it would be during the ceremony. We both got teary at that one. Man oh man!

When it was all said and done, though, we chose to have Reverend Peter Billiteri marry us. I cannopt tell you why, but we both just felt more comfortable with him. He is a Catholic Deacon, which bodes well for Ken's side, and he is from New York (obviously so) which bodes well for my side. He was serious, and intense, while having a sense of humor, as appropriate. I would not describe him as a "warm fuzzy", but there was a familiarity that felt good to both Ken and myself. So we booked him and he is ours for the date. THAT was exciting!

Then I did more dress shopping -- Ugh is about the best I can say. I DID find a great line of gowns whose manufacturer will send the gown of your choice, in your size, to the store for you to try it on. All you do is pay for shipping. That way you get to try on the gown as you should. One would think more places would do that. In any case, the dress is being ordered on Monday. THAT was a good thing. I will not go any further, cause as we all know, Ken does not want to know about the dress before hand. But trust me, he is going to see a lot of pictures when this is all said and done (hee hee).

Photographers are next on the list. So far we are really liking Steve Keegan's stuff. I like his web site and he has been really nice to talk with on the phone. We still have to talk to the gal at elegant images and at JandJ photography and Fantasty photography as well. Everyone comes highly recommended, so it is getting tough. Time will tell. Check out the web sites, if you want to, and let us know what you think.

Finally, flowers are coming up for decision making. I have not given up on my periwinkle, but I AM looking for ways to incorporate it into some other colors that might make a more distinct statement. More to come on that later.

If you have the minute, don't forget to talk to us abous favors and check out the photo web sites.

My Romantic Mister

2006-01-07T17:16:00.000-08:00

I don't think it is a secret at this point how much Ken and I adore one another. But I have to tell you that I am constantly amazed at how much this love is shown to me in romantic and sentimental ways.

Last night, Ken took me back out ot our dirt (which is coming along very nicely!) after a nice dinner out. We were standing in what will be our kitchen, when he dropped to one knee -- again. This time he took my hand and took my engagement ring off of it. By the way, I DID tell you all that he bought me the most beautiful engagement ring, didn't I? Anyway, he took the ring off my hand then held my hand in his, looked me in the eye and slipped the ring back on my hand. "This is the rock you deserve," he said, "I love you so much. Will you still marry me?"

You all know I said yes, with no hesitation. Jus thtought I would share that one more incredibly romantic moment with you -- our family and friends.

PS: We started working with a florist today -- I am very sad to say that I do not think I am getting my Periwinkle wedding! We went over ideas and the availability of periwinkle flowers is sadly lacking. I will research and discuss, but it is not looking good. Teri, I think that means that the shower is going to HAVE to be periwinkle!

Don't forget to let us know your best wedding favor story!

He shouldn't be a spitter...

2006-01-07T08:02:00.000-08:00

The next priority in the "Kaltman-Kraft Wedding Extravaganza" is choosing our officiant. Emerald Gardens has a list of four that are included in their ceremony price. We are going to start calling them next week to set up appointments and meet them. Our criteria is:

He should not be a spitter
He should be respectful, because this is a serious occasion, but have a sense of humor because this is a good day
He shouldn't stare at Amy's chest the whole time
He should take the time to know us a little bit and customize the ceremony around our needs

Anything else we are missing?

On a side note - we are also starting to think about wedding favors (because we don't have other priorities going on). What is the coolest wedding favor you have ever received. Because we want to try and beat that since we want to be the cool couple.

Run Amy Run

2005-12-31T17:55:00.000-08:00

So I tried to talk Ken into running off and getting married tonight. Decided it would be killer to start 2006 as Mr and Mrs Ken and Amy Kraft (sounds cool huh?). But he was a no-go. Damned logical and romantic man that he is.

Wedding prep and moving stuff will commence this week, so I will be back on leaving you all little tidbits and new updates, but I wanted to end 2005 on a positive note and wish you all a 2006 that is the best of your past years and the worst of what is yet to come. May you experience joy, love and laughter in immeasurable amounts and have a new year full of all things wonderful.

Happy New Year to all!

Happy Holidays

2005-12-13T06:26:00.000-08:00

We just want to thank everyone for reading our blog and following our little adventure with us. Those of you leaving comments are appreciated more than you know, and those who are not -- well, thanks for reading and being a part of what is a very special time for us.

We finalized the contracts and such to lock in our date and wedding time... October 22, 2006. Wedding at 5:30 (as of now -- Congress and daylight savings time may change that) at Emerald Gardens in Las Vegas. Mark your calendars now :-)

With that all said and done, I am going to take a break from everything wedding until after the first of the year. Firstly, because I think if I look at one more wedding or bridesmaid gown, my head will explode. Secondly, because I really want to enjoy my first holiday season with Ken.

If you want to keep up with us and what we are doing individually, please feel free to read our personal blogs ( KEN and AMY). But, if you are in it mainly for the wedding stuff, then tune back in right after the new year and I will be back here writing updates and moving feverishly forward towards the wedding of our dreams.

Merry, Happy, Ho Ho Ho.

Home

2005-12-11T08:24:00.000-08:00

Things are moving along nicely this week, on all fronts.
We got the approval on the mortgage, which means our dirt, is OUR DIRT. They have graded the lot and are getting ready to start digging all the trenches for pipes and electrical and what not. The lot lines are more firmly defined, and it is really exciting. We will be stopping by today to finalize a few things on the upgrades and, of course, we will visit our little patch of heaven and take pictures. It really is a neat experience to be doing this with Ken. Very much "our home".

Wedding dress shopping, round 2, was not quite as painful as round one. I actually found a couple of dresses that I like and felt pretty in. Not sure if it was because of the "oh-shit-I-have-to-wear-a-wedding-dress diet" I have been on, or if I have just come to terms with a few things, but I actually felt bride-like as I tried things on. I think, though, that we will be staying clear of dress places until February or so, for now. But Teri and Shannon and I hit the stores with gusto yesterday and they were great. I just kinda wish my Mom had been able to be there. I trust her taste and her input is pretty vital on decisions like this. I will send her pictures and we will take it from there.

Today is a HUGE day. We are going to sign contract and secure the location for the wedding. Once we do this, there is no real turning back. No deciding to elope or anything, without it coming at a high dollar cost. Good thing we are actually getting excited about this little wedding thing. LOL. Also, today, I think and hope, Ken is picking out my sparkly ring. As you know, I am wearing his signet ring as my engagement ring. Today he is picking my diamond. Personally, I think he just wants his ring back. LOL... Guess it won't be a problem for him to get used to wearing a wedding band.

Anyway, he is calling me down for breakfast... more later :-)

Table 2, 4, 7 and 18!

2005-12-08T07:02:00.000-08:00

So Ken and I are working on guest lists and trying to get a database set up. In case anyone out there reading this is planning a wedding, theknot.com is wonderful! They have a guest list manager that we are busily entering all our names, addresses, etc. into for a database that will take care of everything from invitations to the showers, parties and wedding, to tracking thank you notes and rsvps. It is a very cool tool! Thank God for modern technology.

In the meantime, the guest list seems to be an evergrowing monster. We started with a big "fantasy wedding" list, and then a smaller "weddings cost money" list. We decided to go with the latter of the two, pulling a few over from the first because, well, because we wanted to. As the last couple of weeks have passed,though, more and more have snuck over, and we are now sending out nearly 200 invitations! OUT OF CONTROL!

I know that not all 200 people will come. So I am wondering why I am inviting people that I KNOW will not be there? I am being told that it is because if nothing else, it lets people in your life know that they are important and you want to share this special day with them -- attending or not. So with that said, I am going to send out all my invites, all 200 of them. And ya know what? If all 200 people come, then I am going to have one hell of a party and spend that very special day with a lot of very special people! If they do not all come, then I am going to know in my heart that they are aware that they are important to Ken and myself in some way and feel good about that.

PS -- I am open to all input on seating arrangements -- open plan or assigned seating???

And the Winner is...

2005-12-03T22:37:00.000-08:00

OK, so we looked at 3 places today. Each one was a surprise in one form or another and you could suffice it to say that it is definitely worth looking past the curb appeal of a place before you set a judgment. Like I said, though, I was hoping that one place would have all of our needs met and show itself to us as "the one." Turns out that the first place we went, last week, was just that. Everything we looked at got compared to it, and as I stated after that first day of hunting, it appears that we will be married at the Emerald Gardens.

Come to think of it, perhaps my fascination with all things Wizard of Oz has come into play here. Ya know, the Emerald City is where her dreams were realized. Perhaps, the Emerald Gardens is where mine will be.

Anyway, it is a lovely location, near two nice hotels, a plethora of restaurants and not too far from "the Strip". The dressing rooms for the bride and groom are top notch, and the wedding ceremony itself is held in a beautiful spot, with a wonderful room for the reception. I have no doubts that this will be magical from beginning to end.

And in case I have forgotten to mention it, my Mom has been wonderful and supportive through this process. She is excited for us and has generously offered to help make this dream a reality for me. She keeps reminding me that this is my wedding and it should be beautiful... "I just think you will feel better once you make one decision and get to check something off your list." With that selection made, I can finally mark something major off on my to do list and sleep better tonight.

Next up, dresses, flowers and photos... Oh my!

Here we goooooooooooo

2005-12-03T08:50:00.000-08:00

First of all, I would like to thank those of you who are reading this blog for sharing in this adventure with Ken and myself. PLEASE feel free to leave comments and thoughts, it lets us know you are with us.

Today we are heading out to check out 3, posisbly4, venue options. It should be fun, if not a little daunting. We have an idea of our ideal, and we know what amenities we need each place to have, we are simply hoping against hope today that we can find them all in one place. No harm in fantasizing, right?

We are trying to find something that is Vegas, without being too VEGAS, ya know? We realize that a good number of our guests will be traveling, so we are looking for places with nearby hotels, and easy transportation options.

My issue is this: everyone keeps reminding me that this is "our" day and that is should be what we want it to be. But how do you do that and still take into consideration all the people you want to be there and all of thier needs? Again, I am hoping we find just the right place that speaks to us and tells us it is THE ONE. (Heck, that is how I found Ken, right?)

More location information

2005-11-30T19:58:00.000-08:00

I think I might be starting on information overload, but it appears we are not nearly as done seeking a location for the shindig as I thought. It seems there are myriad other venues to look at and check out. I can tell you that at $240 a head, for the reception alone, The Bellagio is definitely OUT.

We have appointments on Saturday at a couple of places. One of them has no real curb appeal, but word on the mountain is that the inside is FABULOUS. So off we will go. We are both diligently doing our homework and getting information from nearly every hotel and reception place that we can think of. In conversation today, though, it dawned on both Ken and myself that we could probably do things for less money if we did it ourselves. That means researching dj's, caterers, bakeries, officiants, florists, wedding coordinators, photographers, all of it. I am thinking after typing that, though, that for the convenience, this may be the way to go -- all inclusive package deals. It will cost more for sure, but my sanity, at this point, is worth at least that.

So far places in the running are Emerald Gardens, The Terrace, The Grove at Silk Purse Ranch, and The Ritz. Feel free to take a look at any of these places. I simply ask that you pay no mind to the cost of the packages. Feedback is welcomed.

Location, location, location

2005-11-26T16:05:00.000-08:00

We started shopping locations today, for the wedding. Whereas we have only been to two places in person; based on the research I have done and what we have seen, it looks like we may have found our place. Do not get me wrong... if the Bellagio or something can come up with a phenomenal deal, then who knows. But in the meantime, I think it is safe to say that Emerald Gardens is the front runner in this race. It would be an amazing outdoor, sunset wedding, and then a lovely reception with dancing and good times to be had by all. There are two hotels nearby, there are things to do, and their prices are relatively reasonable for what we have been seeing. But, as I have said before, you never know what will come up next. The homework begins...

Puffy!

2005-11-24T07:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was dress shopping 101 for me. What I learned on this first go around:

Leave modesty at the door
Be prepared for sizes you never thought you would wear being too small
Keep your humor in tact -- some of this stuff is FUNNY!
Take your camera and know how the delete function works
Do not eat for 3 months before you go
Wedding dress sales girls are surprisingly strong

most of all... This is about ME, not my mom, not my friends, not the salesgirl... ME.

Maybe now that I have that part down, the next round will not be so, ummm, bad?

PS: Ken is UBER superstitious -- so I can't show him the pics of the dresses I tried on or anything. That makes me sad.

A date, we have a date

2005-11-21T16:07:00.000-08:00

Now, this might be a little premature, as we have not booked a site for the big day. But barring any MAJOR snafus, I am going to say it is safe to mark Sunday, October 22, 2006 on calendars as the day we will become Ken and Amy Kraft. How cool is that!

Before you ask, no there is not any major significance. We just figured that we were looking at October for purposes of climate, timing and life plans, and the 22nd is a good date. Both Ken and my Mom are born on 22nds, and it might just make the date easier to remember.

Funny side note: I sent my bridal party a link to a website of mix and match dress designs ( 6 skirts, 15 shirts). I picked out a lovely combo for them to check out, relatively modest and a little sassy. Well, I sent the link to the girls only to get return email and phone calls mentioning things like dramatic weight loss and things of the sort. Well, tit turns out there was a mix up in the link patch, and what they got was a form fitted strapless plaid tube top and matching skirt. Too funny! And they were worried about bows and lace!

So much to do

2005-11-16T20:49:00.000-08:00

As this week has rolled by, I have started to make my lists. Lists of things to do for the wedding, places we might have the wedding, costs associated with the wedding, who to invite to the wedding... lists, lists and more lists.

I have gotten some great quotes and information from a few places that Ken and I are thinking doing the wedding. One of my favorite places does not have our date available though. Actually, they have the date, just not the day. I wanted to get married on Oct 22, but since it falls on a Sunday, we are talking about the 21st so it will be a Saturday. Emerald Gardens is booked on the 21st, but they have the 22nd available. A sign?

Lake Las Vegas, though, seems to be where we are focusing our hopes right now. They have like 8 venues in the resort area alone, not to mention 3 hotels. All of these places have multiple packages at different price points. As we move forward I am hoping to have some things fleshed out soon. But for now, big or small, I am looking to the lake. Water, sunset, people we love and Ken by my side. That sounds pretty magical to me.

When my mom is here next week for Thanksgiving, I think we will go check a few places out as well as start looking at dresses. Ugh! Dresses!!! I know Mom will cry, and it will be beautiful, but, ugh! dresses.

We will write more as things progress.

It begins

2005-11-12T07:26:00.000-08:00

Ken Kraft and Amy Kaltman got engaged, officially, on November 6, 2005. It seems silly really that it took a ring to make it real, because it seems we knew we would be doing this relatively early on. We talked and talked about it until we could talk no more. Ken had to take some kind of action -- so he did. Ken is good that way. He sees a goal, a task, a purpose and this drives him. One of the things I love the most.

I am wearing his signet ring until he finds the diamond he feels is the one I should be wearing. I am OK with that. The signet ring is a sizeable gold ring and it fits my ring finger just right. I will admit, though, I am looking forward to something that sparkles .

Now the fun starts. If you can call it fun. We have to start planning "THE EVENT" or wedding, whichever you prefer. We are vascilating, currently, on what kind of wedding to have. So I come to you all, gentle readers -- Big wedding? Small wedding? Very small wedding with big party to follow? Elope?

At this point, we are looking at October 2006 for the wedding. Ken's family, and my own, a well as several of our friends will have to travel in for whatever we decide to do. I am torn between the little girl who wants the fairy tale and the adult who is buying a home. Input is beyond welcome.